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The Pastor's Wife

The idea of being a pastor’s wife more than often is not celebrated or seen as a wise choice especially in the days of “little beginnings”.

It is sad when a young and enthusiastic lady tells her friends, family, relatives and other “professing” believers with a grin smile on her face that she is getting married and the reaction she gets. At first, such news is received with great ecstasy but as soon as the identity of her “supposed” suitor is uncovered, that great feeling quickly vanishes away as if all hell was let loose.

It is so discouraging, demoralizing and damaging to see the gloomy expressions on their faces because to them, she is about to sign a contract of “long suffering” (not that of the fruit of the Spirit). Quite a number of people tend to think that once a lady is married to a pastor, she is sentenced to a life of lack and want all the days of her life. Such people only see and focus on the external discomfort of today but fail to realize that it is a “higher calling” given only to a privileged few by God. 

This explains why a significant number of people fail to see that being a pastor’s wife is a “divine call” by God and as such should be received with open arms and with smiles on their faces because it is a great honor and privilege for her to partner with and assist her husband (the servant of God) in establishing the will, plans & purposes of God on the earth.

Being married to a pastor is a “higher calling” because marriage on its own is a “call”. This explains why not everyone can handle the responsibility that comes with such union. This fact is well known and accepted by celibates all around the world.

You have to be called and specially graced by God to be able to handle the pressures and the responsibilities (supportive ministry) that goes with being the spouse of a pastor else your strength would fail you. This is not a threat but an admonition.

On the reverse side, quite a number of pastors genuine called by God have often faced rejection not because they had physical deformities or are victims of racial prejudice but in connection to their vocation.

It is very disappointing and disheartening to see a beautiful damsel reject the proposal of a gentle man because he is a pastor and not a business tycoon or a hardcore professional. Her reasons are pure economic and not spiritual; she doesn’t want to be entwined with the shackles of poverty, not realizing that the power (wisdom, ideas, strength & ability) to get & sustain wealth is a gift from God.

On the flip side, are a very interesting group of people who just want an easy life. They don’t want to assume spiritual responsibility for anyone. They love the religion of convenience and hate any form of sacrifice. Getting married to a pastor would rob them of their comfort.

Someone once said to me in my single days, when she heard that I was getting married to a pastor. She nervously said, “So you are marrying a pastor? So you mean you would be interceding for others while they enjoy their sleep at your expense?”

She just realizing the magnitude of the responsibility pastors’ wife bear, interjected, “I can’t do it.” Then I looked at her and gave her a kind smile and afterwards spoke softly to her, “someone prays and intercedes for you all the while you have been sleeping; guess who? She is your pastor’s wife.”

Just A Word Of Caution:

 I would strongly recommend that a pastor should never convince or cajole a lady into marrying him if she isn’t willing. Her refusal to marrying him should be accepted in good faith. Her refusal doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love God; rather, it simply means she is not “the called one” or one with the “higher calling”.

The pastor’s wife has a “higher calling” not given to every woman on the face of the earth. She must first recognize and acknowledge this wonderful reality else she would lightly esteem it.

Afterwards, she must learn to love it, cherish it and nurture it as tender plant and most importantly, she must learn to magnify her ministry as a supportive minister called to serve alongside her husband. In the course of her stewardship, she may find herself either in a prominent role or a hidden (obscure) role. She doesn’t determine that, God does from the foundation of the earth. Whatever the case maybe, she must do so as occasion serve her with a pure and good conscience void of offense towards God and men! 

…. to be continued

Jessica Omoefe Obaro

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